30 is a good age for a woman--especially if she's 40.
4 out of 5 computer nerds prefer donuts...1 prefers women...but she's strange.
50% of men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
69 means being heads over heels in love.
A 3.5" hard one is better than a 5.25" floppy.
A girl a day keeps the wife away.
A girl in the car is worth ten in the phone book.
A wife lasts as long as a marriage. An ex-wife is forever.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
All men are created equal. Poor things.
Bad day...my inflatable girlfriend exploded.
Behind every great man is his... BUTT.
Behind every great man, there is a woman he is running from.
Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every successful man is a woman who wants a fur coat.
Blondes have more fun--because I only date blondes!
Brassiere: Something that makes mountains out of molehills.
Car sticker: Don't laugh! Your daughter might be in here.
Don't like how I drive? STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK!
Drink 'till she's cute. Stop before you get married.
Even if you understood women, you'd never believe it!
Feminine of word "manager": assistant manager.
Feminism: The radical idea that women are people.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For my next trick, I'll need a blonde volunteer and a condom.
Girl trouble? Don't those words automatically go together?
Girls just wanna have fun. Boys just wanna have girls.
Girls suck, until you ask them to.
I am in love with me.
I forget the dream, but I'm missing my pyjamas.
I love my girlfriend, but I trust my DOG.
I never met a nymphomaniac...if I had, I wouldn't be here now!
I still miss my wife but my aim is improving.
I'd feel better if you were blonde.
I'm a sensitive person, especially my inner thighs.
I'm not 40...I'm 18 with 22 years experience.
If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
If I ever find the girl of my dreams what will I do with my wife?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Kissing may be the language of love but money still does the talking.
Life is too short to date ugly men.
Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
Lingerie is to women as gift-wrap is to Christmas presents!
Live long and orgasm.
Love thy neighbor...just don't get caught!
Love: two vowels, two consonants and two fools.
Man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Men come in 3 sizes: Small, Average, and DAMN that's gonna hurt!
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Men play the game; women know the score.
Men versus beer: A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
My boyfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought him an atlas.
Not all Blondes are dumb. But who REALLY ever checks?
Of course I'll respect you in the morning. Now roll over.
One beer gets me drunk...usually the 47th.
Out of 100,000,000 sperm cells, you were the fastest?
Perhaps it's a coincidence, but man's best friend can't talk.
Room service? I need cherries, whipped cream and a rope.
Safe Sex: Marrying a virgin.
Save your breath for your inflatable date.
Sex (M/F): Y.
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Sex instructor, first lesson free.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Sex on television can't hurt you--unless you fall off.
Sex, sex, ducks! (Don't ask...).
Sexual harassment will no longer be reported. It will be GRADED!
Slut: A woman with the sexual morals of a man.
Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him.
The best way to drive your wife crazy is to smile in your sleep.
The trouble with men is their trouble with women.
There are two ways to handle women, and I don't know either.
Thieves demand your money or your life...women want both.
To be a popular girl, you must do the wrong thing at the right time.
Unzip, expand, inflate, explode...what pervert came up with this?
Virginity is curable if caught early enough.
Virgins for sale! Sorry, no returns accepted.
We accept Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, and Pamela Anderson pictures.
What came first, the woman or the department store?
What part of "No" Don't you understand?
What to get for the man who has everything: Penicillin.
Where there's a whip, there's a way!
Why can't I find the girl of my dreams when I'm awake?
Woman: Man, the sequel.
Women are meant to be loved, not understood.
Women like the simple things in life...men!
Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition.
Women, you can't live them and you can't kill them.
You can't read a girl like a book but it's fun browsing the pages.
Your ex just called. She's with the IRS, now.