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* There is always one more bug. * Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy. * No good deed goes unpunished. * A Smith & Wesson beats four aces. * The other line always moves faster. * Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. * Never eat prunes when you are famished. * In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. * Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. * All warranties expire upon payment of invoice. * Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. * Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes to the bone. * If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. * A bird in a man's hand is safer than one overhead. * If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it. * When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate. * A short cut is the longest distance between two points. * In any field, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. * It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. * You will always find something in the last place you look. * Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. * Everybody will have a scheme to get rich that will not work. * Left to themselves, things will always go from bad to worse. * In order to get a lone you must first prove you don't need it. * Every piece of string, cut to size is always one inch too short. * If it jams, force it; if it breaks it needed replacement anyway. * Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. * A $300.000 picture tube will protect a 10c fuse by blowing first. * Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. * Every story has two sides: yours and mine, and one hidden side. * If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. * Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use it. * The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before. * There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. * The light at the end of a tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. * Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought. * No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session. * Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink. * To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology). * Leakproof seals - will; self starters - will not; interchangeable parts - won't. * Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath exactly to the center. * A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth. * If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault. * When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman it will work perfectly. * The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. * If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on. * In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence and then remains there. * You'll remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away. * If there is any possibility of several things going wrong, the most catastrophic combination will occur. * No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be cheaper somewhere else. * The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.


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